This is the third week of my postgraduate studies, as well as the third week of becoming a lecturer of MPK Bahasa Inggris and an English Teacher at LBI. Each has it’s own challenges. I realize that among those three things, becoming a lecturer is the hardest part. You know, I have worked as a translator in an office for about one semester, I just faced a net book to translate, so no interaction with many people. However, becoming a teacher means that you face many kinds of students with their mixed-ability and dynamic class condition.

I find that lecturing is more difficult than studying in a class. Since I’m a student and a lecturer as well, I’m trying not to curse every single task I receive because this is my choice, and I should take responsibility for what I choose. I try to be emphatic, thinking of how the lecturers manage their class. I never think that to be a lecturer is really this complicated. After undergoing a teachers training for about 15 meetings, I just realize that lecturing really needs preparation. If you see my teachers training certificate from LBI, then you’ll know the assessment indicators: class management, lesson plan, personal qualities, command of language, checking learning, correcting errors, Wow, they are so many things I should professionally learn.

Sometimes reality is much different from ideality. To work professionally, you have to work things out well, but soon after completing your lesson plan, for example, you will find unexpected condition in the real class. How you adjust with this condition, that’s one of the difficult part. Besides, I need more time to prepare everything. I should open my (old) books, search for additional materials, ask someone if I don’t understand the materials, and the hardest of the hardest is finding a suitable method for certain material. In fact, it’s exhausting, physically, and mentally, but I keep learning and thinking that, O, ok, this is the beginning, I will get used to this kind of atmosphere. Learning is somehow painful, but knowledge is sweet after all 🙂

I find that my life turns to be very different, but I will try to enjoy these changes. Many (big) things distract my mind, so sometimes I don’t care of a small problem. It’s just like, “let it flow, it doesn’t matter, I have another more important works to be completed soon”. However, on the other side, I feel that time management really kills me, so I write and blog less and seldom to say hello to my close friend, even just for knowing their condition.

I also sometimes reflect on my own, that I really miss Ramadhan. I’m very sad because I feel that my religious activities in fasting month are much more productive than in ordinary days. For me, Ramadhan is the month which is full of spiritual reflection, devotion, and improvement to be a better person, the month when people redirect their heart away from wordly activities, the month when mesjid is full of people praying, the month when satan and his armies are chained in the bowels of hell, and I miss this moment.

However, I realize that the real life is actually after Ramadhan. I’m now trying to do my activities more professionally, and leave my spoiled attitude, as Muhammad Assad said “There is no growth in comfort zone, and there is no comfort in a growth zone. I must leave my comfort zone to grow”. I prefer to grow up, no matter how hard this life will hit me. Allah is with me, I believe (*)