What I know, at least for today, is only the word ‘move’. Move, because time flies so fast. Move, because my life has turned out differently. Move, because some pieces of memory about conducting undergraduate thesis seems like hanging around my head, and it happens again, well, in postgraduate level. Just like playing merry go round, this research really haunts me all day, uh, terrible, right? but I must face this (inevitable) challenge.
So, after a couple of months I write a proposal on research methodology class, I just realize something wrong with this. The more I read on the theories, the more I get confused. The lectures whom I consult with in that class are actually not the expert of the research I am in. They are quite helpful, but in the process of compiling the proposal, I don’t know why, I notice some confusing parts. I actually tried to contact the expert, but no response. My fault is, I didn’t really force my self to keep contact with him right after I chose the topic and the methodology, I just asked my senior, well actually she is a young lecturer who just completed her postgraduate studies in Australia, and she told that my research is already OK.
Then, when it’s completely finished, I eventually managed to meet my lecturer who really masters my research topic, and boom! so many things should be considered. What?! I took a deep breath on my way home, It’s already too far to fix. I should’ve consulted with him since I found myself confused, but in fact, I didn’t do it. I cursed my self, as if it was the end of the world.
At home, I felt very gloomy, I thought very hard yesterday, thinking that I should ask someone for giving second opinion, otherwise I changed my topic. Actually there is one more interesting topic, but unfortunately, I found it after I almost completed my proposal. I thought hard, maybe I can ask my thesis advisor when I did my undergraduate thesis. Umh, he could be, but I was not really sure since he was very busy. Then suddenly, I remembered that I have Mbak Anne’s facebook contact. She’s also my senior (very senior, indeed) who is taking doctoral in Netherland and postgraduate in New York. My lecturers said that she often wrote about Islam and media. I tried to send her a message on facebook. Not really expect much, as when I opened the message, I forgot that I had sent her a message a year ago, when I tried to write a study objective for fullbright scholarship, and then…no response from her.
Whatever, I tried my best, and sent her a message for the second time. Surprisingly, only in a few seconds, she replied my message and said that she can help me, but can only give clearer response in few hours. I checked her facebook page, and found that she’s been in Indonesia for a week. Oh, God save the Queen! She then answered that I can send some questions to her email, though, unfortunately, she said that she already changed her academic focus. Ok, maybe this is only the beginning. I keep praying to God, and maybe will soon share this with my husband. He is in Papua now, will be there for two weeks. Well, having this problem, I realize that I feel sick missing him so badly. Go back soon my Dear, I need your shoulder to lean on.